Aed jokes

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, “I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?

The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.

Wait, actually.

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?

I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.

Yo ass built like a wide body Hellcat!

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.

Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?

Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?

One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.