Aed jokes
Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."
Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"
Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."
Orphan: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
What is the difference between a baby and a sweet potato?
About 140 calories.
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
Yo mama so ugly, she got a lifetime ban from KFC for ordering too many burgers.
Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"
My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.
Why are there so many black men in the NBA that only want to play basketball on a all black basketball team? because they prefer to suck a long and thick big black dick
I’m not a hard drinker. I actually find it pretty easy.
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.