Aed jokes

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"

The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."

Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?

Hobo Fett!

A pun enters the room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."

Me: "You should be Batman."

Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...

Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?

A: They were both shot in a theater.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was guilty of robbery?

He took a girl's innocence.

What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.

What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?

A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.