Aed jokes
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?
A: Because BB-8 it.
Ya it's bad:)
What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!