Aed jokes
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?
'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.
None of these are jokes... they're all facts!
I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"
"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"
Your head is so small, even a fly could eat it.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven? Because it’s a staircase, not a ramp.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
Why did the mushroom go to the party??
Because he was a fungi!
EatDatPussy445, aka Deyione Scott-Wilson Eason, aka Bryant Turman Emerson Moreland, is a pedophile, and he is in Las Vegas right now. Go, go, go, catch him!