Aed jokes
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!
Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
There’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight...
The parents aren’t home.
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
I found out how to gain millions of followers.
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
What looks like it has jaundice and is filled with stupidity?
A Mexican.
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.
What happens when a furry takes over Nazi Germany?
The Furred Reich.
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
"Why did the band teacher get arrested?"
"For fingering a minor." Ahaha, so funny!