Aed jokes

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

My mum's a carrot.

The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

How much pussy does a priest get? None.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

What goes "Ooooooo"?

A cow with no lips.

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face.

A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."

My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.

What a weird way to start a conversation!

What do you call a fat midget?

Jigglypuff.