Aed jokes
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
How much do the bones in your body weigh? A skele-ton!
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.
So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?
At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.
What is a superhero’s 🦸♀️ favorite drink?
Fruit punch!
What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair?
You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What did the big tree say to the little one? Grow a pear!
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.