Aed jokes

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

My father left me at a young age.

He was only five.

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"

What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?

White Vans.

A girl named Sally has no arms.

"KNOCK KNOCK"

She never answered...

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.

Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

Why the f was my shooting joke removed? It was funny, and this is obviously a website for morbid humor. WTF, I mean, worstjokesever.com. Come on...

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

Why can't a blind person eat fish?

They can't see food.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They don't have a closet to come out of.

What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.