Aed jokes

Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?

At least Hitler killed himself.

I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?

A. Crayons.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.

Why couldn't George Floyd become a Demon Slayer?

Because he couldn't breathe.

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.

What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?

"Nice tits, bitch."

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.

What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?

They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?