Aed jokes
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
What's worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree?
1 dead baby hanging off 1000 trees.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
How would you best describe prostate cancer?
Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
How do you stop a MeToo feminazi from telling the world about being raped? Easy: just rape her mouth shut.
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
What's white and can't climb a tree?
A refrigerator.
🧀: C’mon tomato!
🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.
🧀: You’re a mile away.
🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.