Aed jokes
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
Why did the orphan become a killer?
Because he knew they would not look for him.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?
kick his sister in the jaw
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
At first, I was a boy trapped in a girl's body, then I was born.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)
If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
What is the difference between a nerd and leafyishere?
One is fun to laugh at, bully, and roast, and the other is just a nerd.
There is a feminist group in my town.
It is called Gal-Qaeda.
(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)