Aed jokes
"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
What's something an orphan likes but doesn't have?
A family.
Q. What's the most musical bone?
A. The trom-bone!
It's a RUF life in Africa.
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
Jane ate her friend’s colon.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.
Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: What kinda bees give milk?
A: Boobees.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A. A dino-snore.
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
What do you call an amazing goat?
A goat-zing.
I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.
What's a horse's favorite football player? NEIGH-mar!
Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.