Aed jokes

What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.

So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.

What's a cannibal's favorite dessert?

Lady fingers.

I am throwing a party in space. Can you help me planet?

"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

What's a rapist's fav position?

Missionary in a dark corner.

Master has given Dobby a Glock. Dobby is Thug.

A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.

Why haven’t any women gone to the moon?

A: It doesn’t need to be cleaned.

If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.

What's a skeleton's favorite food?

Spare ribs.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"