Aed jokes

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.

I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.

What’s red and very rare?

A baby in a blender.

What's a paedophile's favorite footwear?

White Vans.

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

A man opened a snail farm.

He said that it is a slow-moving business.

What do you call a frozen communist?

Hammer and popsicle.

What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?

Anonymouse.

What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.

My father left me at a young age.

He was only five.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

What do you call a Russian man with three balls?

'Whodya nikabollokov'

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"

Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.

A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.

Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.