Aed jokes
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
A Karen is so stupid, she can't even cross the hairline!
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
You're so skinny, you could travel through a fax!
Alright, riddle me this: I am loud and obnoxious, I like music that rhymes. I'm a fraction of the population, but commit half the crimes! What am I?
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
I made a website for orphans.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
I've sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there's no space on their training program.
Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.
Are you a keyboard? Cause you're my type.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
Teacher: Where's your homework?
Student: At home...
Teacher: What's it doing there?
Student: Having a better time than me.
What is 80 feet wide and has 22 teeth?
Answer: The front row of a Trump Rally!
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
Yo mama's so old, when she was a girl, rainbows were black and white.
Like if your best friend has a dog.