Aed jokes
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
Two men are walking down the street and see a dog licking its balls. One man says, "I wish I could do that." The other one says, "You can probably just pet him."
How do you punish blind kids?
Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.