Aed jokes
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
[God creating a jellyfish]
God: How about an evil bag?
What do squirrels eat at the fair? A-corn dog.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.
Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A dragon.
A dragon who?
The dragon gonna drag its balls across your face.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it, 'cause it ain't gonna come to you.
What can you not ride with two wheelchairs? A burger 🍔 one wheelchair.
So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"
The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"
If Pete and Chasten Buttigieg had a baby together, it would be a turd covered in semen.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
What do Donald Trump and a dick have in common?
Liberals can't keep either one out of their mouths.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
What do you call a skeleton's erection?
A boner.