Aed jokes

what do you call a baby in an oven?

my next meal.

What is a retard's favorite race? The grand autismo.

I was going to tell a joke about babies, but I decided to abort.

What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?

A: He got shot.

what do you call a lazy gay?

someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?

because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.

I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.

My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

I can tell a joke :)

Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?

So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

I bought a book for my blind friend.

Q. What movie represents an orphan's life?

A. Spiderman: No Way Home.

Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.