Aed jokes

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.

what did the banana say to the banana?

"u look a-pealing"

Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

Why did God make men?

Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...

What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?

My dick.

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

Why did the OREO go to the dentist?

Because he needed a filling. 😂

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏