Dirty Jokes
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
There were two guys in an asylum. One was named Kenny, and the other was Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny acting like he was packing his bags. The nurse said, “What are you doin', Kenny?” Kenny said, “Going to Florida for the week.” The nurse said, “Alright, see ya when you get back.”
Next day, the nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny lying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. The nurse said, “What are you doing, Kenny?” Kenny said, “I am at the beach.” The nurse said, “Oh, I forgot you're in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back.” Bob's room was across the hall. The nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. The nurse said, “Goddamnit, Bob, what are you doing?” Bob said, “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny's wife right now, he is in Florida for the week.”
Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
Q. What’s white, sticky, and better to spit than to swallow?
A. Toothpaste.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
Sex is like math.
You add a bed.
Subtract the clothes.
Divide the legs.
And pray you don’t multiply.
For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
You watch 50 Shades of Grey, and you turn grey in bed.
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.