Aed jokes
Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
I never knew what my dad's job was.
One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"
My dad answered...
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Your mum is so fat, I had to take 2 buses and a train to get to her good side.
"Yo mama so skinny when she swallowed a meatball, everyone thought she was pregnant again."
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
JFK
Half is definitely a bottom.
My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.
What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?
...Ollie the clown!
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
What do you call Joey in a room? Transgender.
What do you call a tamal that's in a bed?
Tamaleto.
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.