Aed jokes
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What is purple and whines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇😂
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?
A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"
Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"
What's a retard's favorite rock band? Syndrome of a Down.
Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.