Aed jokes

Why did the police go to a baseball game?

Because a player stole the base.

What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?

A neck.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?

Answer: Chi-ca-go

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?

I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.

A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?

They don't have a dad to check the closet.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?

A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair. 😎

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

What animal should wear a wig?

A bald eagle!

Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.