Aed jokes
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
You got a pig head!
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
I built a website for an orphanage, but it had no homepage.
Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.
Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
Credit to omnom.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."
What is an orphan's favorite superhero? Batman.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
What do you call a disabled person that can walk?
Enabled.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
What did the father bullet say to the baby bullet when he killed a bull by hitting it in the eye: "Bull's eye!"
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. Because he/she wanted to watch the moooovie.