Aed jokes
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
Q: Why did the math book look so sad?
A: Because of all its problems.
Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
Credit to omnom.
Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?
'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.
How do bees go to school?
They go on a buzzzzzzzzzzz.
I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.
I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.
Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.
What is the road on a hill?
Hillside.
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.
My sister is so dumb, she genuinely spent lockdown studying for a COVID test.
I thought it would be fun to become a shooter. It became less fun when I realized that "shooting a woman up" also included a condom.