Aed jokes
A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.
He yells, "Hello ladies!"
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?
I don't know... I'm from China.
How do kill a redneck?
Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.
Wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didn't sit with Yanely and Jasmine at lunch. Funny joke, huh?
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
If you give a prostitute money, you will go to jail, but if you give a prostitute a Klondike bar, you will not go to jail. I would rather go to the casino and get more money for my buck.
What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
What is a paedophile’s favourite symphony?
Amadeus Mozart’s special flute in A minor.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.
She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."