Aed jokes
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
Why was the belt arrested? Because it held up pants.
So fat you're a scale said, "Fat ass."
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."
Me: I have a dream.
Mom: What?
Me: For you to fucking shut up.
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
Hi, people. I really need a friend. Can someone please be my friend? Say in comments if you will.
I've heard stories of my mother. She was a teenager and left me in the blender, but luckily the power cut out, like at the orphanage.
What do you (anyone) and a joke not have in common?
Jokes have meanings.
What gets wetter as it dries?
A towel!
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Answer: A promise.
You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?
All of them are married!
A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?
Answer: He was born on February 29.
Why did the stick fall?
Because he is a stick man.
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
I just bought a book about lamps...
So I can do some light reading over the weekend.
A rhombus.
What do you call multiple quintuplets that look the same?
Naruto's mom.
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"