I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Alright listen up, you wouldn't know a punchline if it slapped you across your dumb face. The joke is that orphans don't have fathers, so Father's Day is a sad day for them. Holding onto something as tight as an orphan hugs a teddy bear to not feel sad is pretty darn tight. Duh!