Aed jokes
What would the main character from Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver be named if he was a Mexican?
Travis Spick-le.
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
I'm a human.
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
Why can't homeless people buy a house?
'Cause they live on the streets.
What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?
They both sprout water.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.
If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,
Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?
What is it called when corn stalks have a baby?
The cream of the crop.
Are you a rope? Let's hang out by a tree and drink :)
You're so white that when I turn off the lights, you're a night light.
Person 1: Yassin has sex with a piece of sex.
Person 2: Nice, can I have some of your balls?