Aed jokes
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.
My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."
"It's a strip steak, sir."
"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
Why do four polish heteroflexable men like to suck on four of the cow's udders? Because a bull has only one.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Why did the bum get a slap?
Because it was being too cheeky.
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.