Aed jokes
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
How does a non-binary ninja slay enemies?
They/Them.
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and your mom?
A suicide bomber doesn't abort their mission like your mom did when she had you.
What do you call a batter in a hot air balloon?
Why did the rapper bring a parachute to the show?
Because he wanted to drop some FLY VERSES!
What do you call a fat, lazy person who smokes weed? A baked potato.
A girl named Ranch went to the store and stayed there. Why? Because she was ranched!
A fire broke out at the circus, it was intense.
John pretended to be a doctor.
Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."
John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"
Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."
John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"
Motu said, "I lost my memory."
John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
What do you call a cow in a moving van?
A: A mooving cow.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
Leave you answer in the comments. The answer will be revealed in 24 hours.
If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.