Aed jokes
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?
He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.