Aed jokes
I bought an anti-bullying wristband. I say I bought it; I stole it off a fat ginger kid.
Me: Do you know a funny joke?
Friend: Yes, you.
I'm a human.
Do you ever get that feeling where you're just going through a school parking lot, then you realize that there are no parking lots?
There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.
Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.
They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.
A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
Why did an orphan go on Google Maps?
To try and find their parents.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
Wheels on the bus go round and round Round and round round and round Wheels on the bus go round and round All through the town.
Horn on the bus goes beep beep beep Beep beep beep beep beep beep Horn on the bus goes beep beep beep All through the town.
The sheep on the bus goes baa baa baa Baa baa baa baa baa baa The sheep on the bus goes baa baa baa All through the town.
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?
kick his sister in the jaw
A bee said to his naughty son, "Honey, stop bee-ing abnormal and bee positive!"
A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
A basketball player walks into a strip club:
"Hi, I heard I could bounce some balls here?"