Aed jokes
You. You're a joke.
Why can't an orphan get offended?
What are they gonna do, tell their mom?
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
Did Jesus die a virgin?
No... He got nailed! 😅
Forehead is so big that you wear a bed sheet for a bandana.
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
What do you say before you jump off a building?
Parkour!
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?
When they're on their backs, they're screwed.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?
You are so butty-ful!
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
I'm a gay depressed person. Would that make me a happy unhappy person?
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.