Aed jokes
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny's papers, she asked why he put the word "bank" in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word bank and that's one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”
Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.
Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.
Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.
You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.
Because it’s empty inside.
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.
So in prep class, the students were asked to write a letter to their grandparents for Grandparents Day.
Little Johnny's friend, Little Sally, wrote things like, "Thank you," and, "You are so nice!" And Little Johnny goes, "What are you doing? You got it wrong!" So Sally says, "What do you mean? It's a letter." Little Johnny says, "Why did you do it like that? Just write a letter from the alphabet like the teacher said!" Then he says, "I wrote a J to remind them of me!"
Knock knock.
Me, a person: Who's there?
A: Deez nuts!
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Q: Why do orphans get on Facebook?
A: Because they get liked.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.