Aed jokes

Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"

Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

What happens to the crow in the earthquake?

It turned into a milkshake. 🤔😂

What do you call a website that openly encourages racist posts?

Two Chinese men walk into a bar.

"Owwwwwwwwwww," they say instead of "ouch."

If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!

A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

The first ever picture of a black hole got released. It sucks.

Why was Elon Musk unable to land a job as a television host at NBC?

His own car cannot catch up with Jay Leno's Corvette!

There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!

What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?

Poutine with Russian dressing!

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

What's the difference between Lana Del Rey and Milli Vanilli?

Milli Vanilli won a Grammy.

Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?

Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.