Aed jokes

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

That bloke Dean's a cunt!

If the USA is so good,

Why did they make a USB?

I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.

I just stand at the back and ting.

You: You are such a flick pain.

Me: You are flick pain to my sight.

This is not a joke. Have you ever thought about it? You’re an emo while wearing black. So what if you are black? Does that mean you’re an emo because you are black and emos wear black? ;)

When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.

You won't feel lonely anymore :(

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.

Q: What's the difference between a knife and a razor blade?

A: Depends on which wound bleeds faster.

Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.

Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?

A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.

Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)

How does a disabled person play chess?

I think you forgot they don't have legs.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!

I saw an orphan on the street. I said, "Where are your parents?" He cried and said, "My mum and dad died in a car crash!" 😆😆😂😂🤣

Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.