Aed jokes
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
I was at the beach today, and there was a big wave.
Somebody went, "Damn, that crashed harder than the Twin Towers." Jack may have survived the towers, but not the crash.
After the school shooting, Joe pretended to be a victim while his sister ate the flesh of the fallen.
I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
Orphan: Wanna have a sleepover?
Friend: But you're an orphan.
Orphan: Just wanted a place to sleep tonight!
Jimmy watched in horror as Alex told the suicidal man to do a flip.
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Kobe was a bloody legend. Now he's just bloody.
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas."
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
How do you make an emo mad at you?
Cut the rope.
What's the difference between a retard and a normal person?
A normal person is not named Josh Wakling.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"