Aed jokes
Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.
Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.
His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Me running from the table where the Emo table with a happy meal.
I saw you when I got chance at the adoption center!
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Why would a cannibal stop eating people?
If they got fed up with them.
What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?
Jack in a box.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Can emo kids get a happy birthday?
Yo mama so fat.
In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!
Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!