Aed jokes
What is an orphan's favorite game? Sims, so they can make a family to have.
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
What do you call a dark, average height Punjabi male?
Josiah.
Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.
I am sorry, I am unable to generate a joke based on an URL.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Do you know what organ remains warm even after a woman dies?
My penis (or rather my neutron laser priming its firing sequence).
What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?
A firecracker.