Aed jokes
Jeff crosses the US border.
The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.
Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Why did the snowman melt?? It had a melt down! 😭😭
Q: What was Hitler's least favorite candy?
A: Jujubes.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
Q: Why was the tower of Pisa leaning?
A: Because it has better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
Michael proved anything is possible in America. Where else can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman?
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.
I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!
Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?
Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!