Aed jokes
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
What do you call a female Michael Jackson? She she.
I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.
My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.
You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.
I'll shut up now.
What's an orphan's favorite flower?
A self-raising flower.
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?
One is wanted and one's not.
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?
Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.
What do you call an orphan you put into a volcano with a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.
Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
They are like pepperoni and cheese as a plane.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.
She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.