Aed jokes

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.

"Do you want to hear a joke?"

"Yes."

"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"

POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.

What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?

Only the taste.

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.

Your mama is so fat.

She steps on the scales. She has to return in a couple days to get the results.

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

Your mama is so fat.

She went on a diet and solved world hunger!

Your mama is so fat. When she went skydiving, it caused a global panic.

Your mama is so fat, I had to look twice to get a first impression.

Your mama is so ugly, her shadow got a restraining order.

Your mama is so old, her first Christmas, she was a Wiseman's +1.

Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!

You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.