Aed jokes
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Yo mama so dumb she bought a toolkit to open up a Roth IRA.
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
A guard at a baseball stadium let in the pheasant, the chicken, and the duck. But he didn't let in the turkey. Why? Because four strikes and you are out!
What's a Jew's worst nightmare?
A frozen bank account.
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
I have a heart, alright. I just happen to see a mere hollow shell of one coming from you.
Your insults are like a blank bullet: a stupid and harmless joke.
What kind of car does an Indian person drive? A Pri-yas.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.
And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.
Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?
The Turdburglar.
You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.