Aed jokes
Q: What do Epstein and Dahmer have in common?
A: They both like to eat kids in and out.
I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.
So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."
How come you never see a broke midget?
Because he’s living in the broke man’s boots.
Q: What's the best part about working at an abortion clinic?
A: You don't have to buy dog food.
What role does a leper play in the theater?
Voldemort!
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.
The teacher says, "Oh, John!"
John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"
A long-haired child once took a bite of Chuck Norris's brain. He later became known as Albert Einstein.
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
What’s a gay man’s favorite cereal?
Froot Loops
3 boys were having a debate about who had the healthiest grandma.
Boy 1: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 67 years old and can still do a backflip!"
Boy 2: "No, I have the healthiest grandma. She is 76 years old and can still finish a marathon!"
Boy 3: "I have the healthiest grandma. She is 85 and she is in the hospital..."
Boy 1 and 2, looking confused.
Boy 1: "If she's so healthy, why is she in the hospital?"
Boy 3: "Because she's giving birth right now!"
In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23-degree angle.
She then drew a 67-degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said, "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing," and the second one chimed in, "And I love what you've done with your hair."
The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going on. She sighed and said, "Well, these angles are supposed to be complementary, but I guess they don't know how to spell."
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"
I'm inventing a new glue and calling it "Six Seven"... it's a chemical brainrott.
Six Seven went to a barber shop. He asked the barber if he could have the "six seven" cut.
Yo momma so slutty, when she got a throat swab, the lab found eight different types of semen on her tonsils.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.