You're an alcoholic!
Don't give emos crack, they're high enough.
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
What was David Bowie’s last hit?
Probably heroin.
you.
I'm a recovering cake addict.
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3-day milestone of sobriety!
What did rapper Pop Smoke get high off of? Cigarettes with Pop and Smoke.
Why did the Duck go to rehab?
Because he was a Quackhead.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
