Substance jokes
Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?
I had something about tripping over ice.
Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
Where are crackheads from?
OHIGHo
If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke?
Quack.
Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
What is white and sticky?
Glue.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
The hooker can wash out her crack and reuse it.
I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)