Substance jokes
Where are crackheads from?
OHIGHo
Yo mama so short that when she tried to sniff meth, she couldn’t get high.
What is white and sticky?
Glue.
If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?
If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Yo mama so short, when she tried sniffing cocaine, she couldn’t get high.
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
The hooker can wash out her crack and reuse it.
What is a duck's favorite thing to smoke?
Quack.
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
I had something about tripping over ice.
Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?
My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
What's the best way to remove gum from hair?
Cancer.