What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?
They’re just two weeks to quit.
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
