Addiction jokes

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.

One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

What do you call a religious drug addict?

A crystal methodist.

We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.

Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.

What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?

They are both legless.

Why do dwarfs do drugs?

To get high.

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.

A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?

They’re just two weeks to quit.

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.