Addiction jokes
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
What happens if you look in the mirror and say fentanyl 3 times? You'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
We recently found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than grandpa.
Congratulations to Avicii for passing his 3-day milestone of sobriety!
What did rapper Pop Smoke get high off of? Cigarettes with Pop and Smoke.
I tried to rape Amy Winehouse, but she said, "No! No! No!"
Why did the Duck go to rehab?
Because he was a Quackhead.
Johnny, Johnny?
Yes, Papa.
Eating sugar?
Yes, Papa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach, and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you’re mad at me for eating a little sugar.
Smoking? Telling lies?
Yes, Papa, you do all of those things because you’re a chronic addict.
What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
What do you call a duck that is addicted to drugs?
A quack head!
My mom must be a duck then...
A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.
When the doctor saw this, he said,
"From Type 2 Diabetes!"
Get it?
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.