Addiction jokes
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
A guy walks into an AA meeting and asks for a road map.
A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.
Addicted, what did the drug dealer say to the dopewhore?
"Damn whore, you're not that addicted when you spread your legs open for any man. No wonder weed is more addicted than yo ass." Lol
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.
When the doctor saw this, he said,
"From Type 2 Diabetes!"
Get it?
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
I'm a recovering cake addict.
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
Wanna hear somethin' ironic?
When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
What's a duck's favorite drug?
Cwack.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.