Act

Act jokes

Lollipop

My childhood tormentor was at school. I walked through so I could get to class.

And then he said, "Hey, you donkey!"

I said, "Thank you, I'm so happy that I'm something, not nothing like you!" And I gave him a pink lollipop. He walked off. And I became popular. Or should I say, Lolli-Popular? Sorry.

Sex

One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.

Alien

I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.

I remarked, "You lazy!"

Dick

If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?

That number is how many dicks you suck.

Memes

Wall

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

Robbery

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

Age

Girls being 14, look 18, act 21.

Boys 21, look 18 and act 14.

User

Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.

Now I got a 31 on the ACT.

Sex

Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."

Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."

Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."

Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"

Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"

Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."

Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."

Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."

Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"

Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."

Son said, "Ok, see you there." ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐Ÿ’ฆ

Kid

This isnโ€™t a joke. Quiet kid jokes are so clichรฉ. Like since when was there an original quiet kid joke like smh. Doesnโ€™t help because Iโ€™m a quiet kid and people act as if Iโ€™m so dangerous and itโ€™s like the only thing they say to me. Being judged as some big bad monster for being AN INTROVERT!! These jokes used to be funny to me, but now Iโ€™m just sick of them...

Mask

Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.

Squirrel

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

A: Act like a nut.

(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)

Amogus

Why did the amogus act sus? He was an amogus! hahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha