Act Jokes

Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?

Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.

Me acting like I'm cool
with the crackhead at
the bus station so he
doesn't stab tf out of
BUS
STOP
me
00D

Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."

Actor 2: "Where's the b?"

Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"

Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Kenya, if you keep smiling then you will become a positive bitchy!

Tenya, everyone hates you why I have no idea!

Kenya stop smiling and start dying!

Tenya, why are you so mean!

Kenya, stop acting like a mantrapp!

Tenya, stop being a bitch in a skirt!

Please leave a comment good or bad! cusswords whatever!

When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

I hate people that hate life.

Me at the same time: Is cutting self at night.

*hides scars* *acts like I'm fine* hehe

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

There's a new Michael Jackson biopic in the works. There is a possibility that we will know who his love interest was.

What we know so far: Billie Jean is not his lover, and that kid [seen with him] is not his son. We also know that Michael Jackson said that sharing his bed with little boys is "healing" and an act of "sharing the love," so take that as you will.

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month. - LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up. DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.