Act jokes
Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.
Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.
VOTING FINAL This vote is for the best School Shooter joke of the month.
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.
Vote for the better joke and the Joke of the Month will be announced in the comments tomorrow.
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
Yo mama is so ugly, they tried to get her to act the part for Godzilla!
FOR REAL
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Is it just me, or everybody has a dark side, like a psycho side, and then you act like crazy for some reason?
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?
Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.
Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?
Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.
Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.
Cause they about to taste my Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the Morbius! I got that acrimonious odious Cause the bats are copious My blood flow is harmonious Bout to act felonious You know they hating us And we getting treasonous Woo when they get bit with the (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) (Morbius) Morbius (His name is Dr. Michael Morbius)
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”
Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?
So she can moan with her right hand.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.