Accident jokes
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Boy: Crap, I hit a deer.
Girl: Awe... I guess it’s not so much of a dear.
Boy: ...
Boy: Get the hell out!
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!
What did the Titanic say as it sank?
I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!
What did the helicopter say?
Helicopter: "Kobe!"
Stephen Hawking tried to charge his phone and unplugged his life support.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
Q: Why was the pilot sad?
A: 'Cause he was bad at playing Jenga. 💀
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.