Accident jokes
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
Twin Towers? No plane, plane targets.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
Presidents are normal, physically.
Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?
Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
Why is it bad to climb a tree?
You might fall on an orphan! 🫥
What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left there hanging.
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.