Accident jokes
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.