Accident jokes
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
Twin Towers? No plane, plane targets.
Presidents are normal, physically.
Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.
What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left there hanging.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.