Accident jokes

My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?

One baby in 10 trucks.

Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

My fish puns aren't on porpoise.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?

A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He just couldn't see that well.

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

I was shocked when I found out my toaster was not waterproof.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.

Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?

A: Because he couldn't see that well.

A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?

They've been rear-ended too many times.