Accident jokes
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?
There was nothing left but de-brie.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?
He fell for her.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.