Accident jokes
"I created the Human Torch."
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.
What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...
Then it hit me!
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?
There was nothing left but de-brie.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?
He fell for her.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.