Accident jokes
"I created the Human Torch."
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.
A blonde walks into a bar.
Ouch.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?
He fell for her.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.
His new music video has been leaked. It’s called “Living in a Tree.”
I still remember my grandpa's last words.
"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"