Accident jokes
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
What do you describe Titanic as?
... Broken...
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Memes
A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
Were you born on the highway? That's where most accidents happen.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.
When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."
You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.