How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Accident Jokes
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of kids.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop đ
Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldnât read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasnât laughing at the jokes.
Were you born on the highway? That's where most accidents happen.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her âhead and shouldersâ on the backseat of her car.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
