A news headline read: "A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight."
He was in the infantry.
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
Where you born on the high way that's where most accidents happen
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop đ
I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldnât read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasnât laughing at the jokes.
What do you say to a kid in a trash compactor?
You looking a little square.
You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
Everyone always has a special person in their life someday, but I think yours got ran over by a bus.
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
